10 things that I’ve learned after 10 years of marriage-Part 1
We’ve been together since high school and I’m learning so much
In 2001, I said “Yes” to be his girlfriend. In 2008, I said “Yes” I’ll marry you and “I do”. In 2010, 2012, 2014, and 2018 I said “Yes” I’ll have your children . . . all 5 boys smh no problem. Now, in 2018, we are blossoming in our friendship and marriage. I almost feel like a dunce cap because I wasted so many years doing things wrong or just ugh! Anyhoozers, I am glad that we are at this place and space in life to be so in love and so in like. I can’t count the times that I regretted saying mean words, or doing hateful acts just to be spiteful; not to mention his silent treatment or lack of communication. Honey, honey, I could write a book… well another book because I’ve already written a few (shameless plug but check it on on our store and Amazon). Ok so here goes something! Are you ready to go through this list with me?
#1 Reinvent Yourself
We all know that life happens and time waits for no one, but we have to be intentional not to let our maintenance fail. Just like you take your car in for an oil change or take your clothes to the cleaners, we must do the same things for ourselves. I challenge you to take inventory of your life. What are your likes? What are your dislikes? What have you been willing to try? You can start small with a new hairstyle or even a new nail polish color. Just do something that will make you want to kiss yourself and make your husband want to kiss you (and other stuff) too. Forget about everyone else’s needs and focus on yourself without feeling guilty. They will be ok. Your kids will be fine and get everything that they need. Your husband will be fine and ultimately be happy that you took time for yourself. So go for it and do it!
# 2 Conflict vs. Contention
I am truly proud of myself because my husband and I had a disagreement but it didn’t end in contention or the silent treatment. I learned the difference between the two, then applied my knowledge. Conflict seeks to have dialogue to resolve an issue but contention uses emotions to leverage to an outcome to his/her favor. Essentially, we were operating in contention because we practiced emotional manipulation without knowing what it was. I can be quite stubborn, so when an argument didn’t go my way then I would get an attitude and plot my revenge (which is crazy because I only love this man to heaven and back) and my husband would shut down and not speak to me. Ugh! How tumultuous and for what? It was stupid! I would eventually humble myself to apologize and/or he would too and then we’d be good. Looking back on those past occurrences, we wasted so much time that we will never get back. Finally, I am able to speak and listen so that we have a mutually beneficial resolution. I am so happy that we reach this milestone because it was a huge step for me.
#3 Don’t Abandon Your Spouse
You know that part in our vows where they say ” in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer”, those words should be a clear indication that marriage is not all roses and rainbows. There are times in a marriage when all hell seems to have broken loose and you two are at odds for whatever reason, this is usually a place where people consider divorce. However, I encourage you to stay committed to being a team. Marriage is a team sport and the worst thing that a star player can do is quit in the middle of a big game. Don’t abandon your spouse! Fight with them and fight through it but never fight each other…just handle it in the locker room. You do more damage together.
OK so that’s it for Part 1, I will have some videos posted about each of these topics. So please like, comment, and share. I would love to hear from you and your experiences in these different areas.
Aquisha aka Mrs. Mommy