10 things that I’ve learned after 10 years of marriage
We’ve been together since high school and I’m learning so much
In 2001, I said “Yes” to be his girlfriend. In 2008, I said “Yes” I’ll marry you and “I do”. In 2010, 2012, 2014, and 2018 I said “Yes” I’ll have your children . . . all 5 boys smh no problem. Now, in 2018, we are blossoming in our friendship and marriage. I almost feel like a dunce cap because I wasted so many years doing things wrong or just ugh! Anyhoozers, I am glad that we are at this place and space in life to be so in love and so in like. I can’t count the times that I regretted saying mean words, or doing hateful acts just to be spiteful; not to mention his silent treatment or lack of communication. Honey, honey, I could write a book… well another book because I’ve already written a few (shameless plug but check it on on our store and Amazon). Ok so here goes something! Are you ready to go through the 2nd part of this list with me?
#4: Submission is the only way to progress
OMG! Did I just say that word? Yes! Submission is not a funky word, it may be your attitude towards submission that’s funky. No shade, but some of us get up in arms about submission because we don’t know the power of submission. Submission is not a license to let someone walk all over you; however, it is a license for you to get on board and come in alignment with the mission. I guarantee that you submit to people on a daily basis. If you work for a company and get a paycheck from that company then you have submitted to that company; you have come under (sub) the mission (or purpose) of that company.
Let’s think about any group, organization, professional sports team, or business, those that willingly commit to being an active participant in the mutually beneficial relationship have submitted to the executive mission. So what’s so different about your marriage? Some of us give a boss more respect than we do our husbands. I think we allowed society to make us think that marital submission is against your human rights or something, but we know that it isn’t. The problem is when we submit to the wrong person, give our all and get nothing in return. I had to put my pride to the side and realize that I am married to a God-fearing man who is SUBMITTED TO CHRIST, and has a clear mission for us to follow. It took me some time to get there but ultimately, I can come under a mission that will benefit our family and future.
#5: Don’t focus on the can’ts, don’ts, nevers, always, shouldas, couldas, and wouldas
Lawd have mercy! Have you ever made a simple mistake or a bad decision and your mom (or somebody close) kept bringing it up? Ugh! I hate when people bring up stuff that I let go of and forgot about. Isn’t it ironic how we can dish out the same punishment that we don’t like to take. Let me tell you how I would do the exact same thing to my husband, especially if we are in the car or buying a new car. A few years ago, my husband called me from the dealership and told me he was getting a car. I immediately got upset and froze because I am a planner and I like to have all of the information before making a major financial decision. Well, this man got a sedan for us, smh, it met the immediate need but there were other options that we didn’t explore because he went and got the car. So a year later, the car went from being a blessing to being a curse because we were growing out of it, the payments were high, and I was frustrated because we could have made a better choice. So instead of honoring him for making a solid choice for our then family, I kept bringing up what he shoulda done and how he never shops around or how he coulda waited and the list goes on and on.
Who the heck wants to come home to that nagging? In my pride, I allowed our relationship to become cold and distant because I refused to humble myself and apologize. Fast forward 6 years, I do it with ease because I put our friendship and marriage in the proper perspective instead of looking down at him through my haughty glasses.
#6: Live in the moment
Don’t be like ok? I am just getting to the point where I can enjoy the moment instead of letting it pass me by. My husband and I just talked about we got so succumb by the grind and the day to day responsibilities that we often spectate when we should be participating. I remember someone saying that the best memories happen when you don’t have your phone out, and I think that is true because it allows you to focus on being present. I have been around physically but emotionally and mentally I was checked out because I was too busy focusing on the next venture or business idea. Having these twin boys have really slowed me down and helped me to be content in every season of life.
Are you guilty of skipping precious moments because you were being too future focused? Well, let me tell you that it is ok to slow down and enjoy the moment while making time to plan for the future. The worst thing for me would be having empty memories because I wasn’t active or missed a chance to create precious moments with my loved ones.
Oh Jesus! I am getting teary-eyed so that is my cue to ens this segment. I would love to hear from you all. So don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe.
Aquisha aka Mrs. Mommy