Just Make It Work!
When I first thought about marriage, it was more of me thinking “Great now I have to share all of my things with another person” and “Man my husband would probably want me to just cook clean and take care of the kids”. How messed up is that?
I thought my parent’s marriage was. . .
Growing up, I saw how my dad would be the one to cook sometimes, do laundry and even do my hair. That confused me. I honestly thought that my mom was just lazy and she made him do all of the work. (Clearly I was daddy’s girl). Also they told me that when my mom had me, she stopped working and took care of me for 4 years. I never considered that until I had my own daughter. Shoutout to my mother, who I never gave credit to before. Because of her, I learned how to read by the age of 3, I knew how to spell my name, address and knew my phone number by the time I started kindergarten. it’s so sad that it takes so long for children to be grateful for their parents. I can definitely attest to that.
Society’s view of marriage. . .
Society makes it seem like marriage is all about gender roles, and that it’s a really big deal when you get married. I am 27 years old and people that knew me from high school are shocked that I am married. Yeah so? Marriage is not a big deal. My secret weapon was that I got married to my best friend, and we got to know each other 7 years prior to getting married. So I think that suffices for a union.
My husband cooks, cleans, does laundry and takes care of our daughter just like how I cook, clean do the laundry and take care of our daughter. Read that again. Gender roles don’t exist in my relationship. People tell me how lucky I am. No, I’m not lucky, I’m blessed that his mother raised him properly, and he followed through. Marriage is only a big deal when you make it a big deal. Stop putting so much pressure on yourselves. And stop listening to what other people tell you about marriage. They always start with the negative and end off with the negative.
Communication is key. . .
Communication and consistency is something that I have instilled in our marriage. It is so important to incorporate these things into your union. August 2019 will be 2 years since we’ve been married. I know what you’re thinking: “How on earth does she know anything about marriage when she hasn’t even been in the game that long?” I totally understand, but since we got married, nothing has changed. Our relationship is stronger than ever. I always heard that the first year of marriage is hard. It’s only hard if you make it hard. If the two of you have a problem, it’s you two vs the problem. Read that again.
Love, affection and compassion is important too, but it’s that communication and consistency that builds the foundation for all of those other love languages. Think of your relationship as a flower, you stay consistent with watering your flower and giving it light, you may sing to your flower to give it love,(there’s your communication) and you watch your flower flourish into something beautiful. When your flower withers away, you make sure to put in that work to help it grow again next season.
Marriage is work, so make it work.
Happy married lady.